The beautiful lies that broke my heart

Cover

I read Somaly Mam’s book cover to cover in a bookstore, holding myself utterly still so I wouldn’t start crying, drowning in the images of violence and suffering she wrote about.

It was that cover picture, a Cambodian woman who had been through hell and survived. That gave me hope when I was the desperately confused new mother to children from Cambodia who had been bought and sold by traffickers, hurt in ways that I could barely comprehend, and deep in grief over all they had lost before coming to these new strangers in Singapore.

We watched and read Alice Walker’s The Colour Purple, and something in that story unlocked the first secrets. I told them with stumbling simple Khmer about how I had been hit as a little girl over and over, and promised I would never hit them. Stories, both mine and those we found from other survivors and in novels, helped my children find a way out of their painful pasts.

Stories mattered deeply.

When the Newsweek report broke, I wasn’t surprised. There had been rumours, and I had met donors and journalists who wanted a wonderful saviour story and weren’t interested in the reality of trafficking in Cambodia.

I’m not even angry now, only terribly sad. The pressure to package the right story is immense when you have to raise funds. I have nightmares about running out of funds, about how to decide which program to close – the new kindergarten class or the medical clinic?

If a restaurant closes, a few staff lose their jobs and people have to eat somewhere else. If Riverkids closes, hundreds of children go hungry, drop out of school and have nowhere safe to find shelter or get help. And there is no-one else stepping in.

Compared to that, why not put together a great heartbreaking story? Piece it together from the real stories, where the kids are too traumatised to talk, and get someone photogenic and poised with a happy ever after ending. That’s kinder than what I’ve seen, where a child is forced to talk over and over about their pain to raise funds, selling a little of their soul each time.

But it’s a lie. A beautiful lie.

And in the end, beautiful lies cover up uglier truths. The truth about trafficking in Cambodia is ugly.

Most of the people buying sex are Cambodian, but sex-tourists bring in the money. Boys are sexually assaulted almost as often as girls but they have far fewer people helping them. Parents sell their children because of gambling debts and medical debts. Being sold as a domestic slave can be worse than working in a sex bar.

Trafficking and abuse in Cambodia has become an image of a young girl locked in a cage in a secret brothel, waiting for a hero to burst through the doors and rescue her. Or at least donate to do that.

The truth about trafficking is a teenage girl being inspected by a doctor for her virginity because she’s agreed to sleep with a rich businessman for three nights to pay off her family’s crushing hospital bills. It’s the newborn baby being sold for adoption to a family so there’s money to feed the other children. It’s the boy who falls asleep in class because he’s been collecting recyclable trash before dawn to pay the ‘fees’ the teacher demands. It’s the battered wife who looks away when her new husband gets drunk and calls her daughter to come closer.

There are no easy solutions. There’s no hero who can stage a raid and swooping in to save girls from having their eyes gouged out by brutal pimps, set them up as hairdressers and inspiring role models and smile for the cameras.

There are instead thousands of people in Cambodia working together to train teachers, get clean water, nurse sick babies, create better jobs, all the steps that weave together to build families and communities closer and healthier. People who are ignored because they don’t have a beautiful lie.

The beautiful lies grab all the loving compassion and generous support that good people are moved to give to children in Cambodia and send it to the least effective ways to help them.

That’s what makes me really angry. That so much could have been done, and so little was. That children who really needed help got forgotten because they weren’t the right kind of trafficked and abused.

Stories saved my family and me. Keeping them true will save so many more children.

- Dale Edmonds

P.S. A few years ago, we produced a book called Eight Stories about what we do at Riverkids. With the permission of eight families, we included their true stories about trafficking in Cambodia. We changed people’s names to protect their privacy but we did not “improve” stories to make them more effective. The printed book is US$45 but if you are interested in reading about what we do, just hit reply and I’ll send you the PDF, and you can share it too.

Children at K6 mug for the camera

Riverkids works with children and families in danger of abuse and trafficking in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

We identify children at high risk because of extreme poverty, drug abuse, alcoholism, gambling, child abuse or other children or family involved in trafficking. Then, we talk with the families to work out what help they need and what will keep their children safe.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as getting the children enrolled in school. Other times, we need to provide emergency shelter for abused children and urgent medical care to prevent a greater crisis. For our families, selling their children is a desperate solution to complicated long-term problems that can’t be quickly solved, but instead need patience and compassion to find practical solutions like vocational training and family counselling.

Our community centers are within walking distance from the crowded and dangerous slums our families live in. That makes it easy for the families to ask for help during an emergency, and makes our centers part of the local community. We hire staff from the local slums where possible too.

A brother plays with his baby foster sister
Riverkids works with children and families at risk for trafficking and abuse in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Most of our children are high-risk because their families have deep challenges such as drug, alcohol or gambling addiction, or a chronic illness like HIV or serious physical disabilites, or single parent households in desperately poor circumstances with no extended family support, have family members involved in trafficking or sex work, or have already sold a child.It’s very important that we work with the whole family, not just a child at risk. Removing a child from their family and community is our last resort because of the additional trauma and loss that often causes.Instead, we look first to repair the family or to find either extended kin who can help or a foster family within the same community. When one child is at risk, it’s very likely that their brothers and sisters are also in danger.By working with all of them and their parents to figure out what has driven the family to abuse and trafficking, we can come up with solutions that help not just one child, but the whole family and their community.Paying a child’s school fees is the first step. The real solution is helping his mum find a safe reliable job so she can afford to pay his school fees, and giving her guidance and support so she believes that her child has a better future with education. That’s change that will last.

A baby in free daycare

  • Donate: The best way to help is also the simplest: donate! You can make a single donation online or donate every month for a huge difference. Support a specific program or site that’s close to your heart: Alexandra, Blum or Railway Two, or one of our programs. Looking to donate items in Singapore or Cambodia? Find out more! And we’re always happy to talk about grants and fundraising ideas.[paypal-donation]
  • Sign up to volunteer! We need volunteers in Cambodia, Singapore and online. We work with short and long-term volunteers, as well as school groups. Read our FAQ on volunteering, download Riverkids volunteer forms and learn from stories from other volunteers.
  • Speak out! Child trafficking and exploitation needs silence to flourish. If you’re in Cambodia, take our Riverkids Advocacy Tour to learn firsthand about life in the slums and child trafficking in Cambodia. We’ve got books, films and website recommendations too.

 



  1. Our Mission

    Our mission aims directly at the root causes of poverty and keeps the children safe from trafficking. TRUST Over a decade of community ties means parents trust us. The community we work in does not trust the authorities or outsiders. They are suspicious and secretive, especially about child trafficking. When...
  2. Cambodia

    The Kingdom of Cambodia, called Kampuchea in Khmer, is a small state in South East Asia. Cambodia borders Vietnam, Thailand and Laos. The capital is Phnom Penh with about 4 million people Most of the 13 million population is ethnic Khmer, followed by ethnic Vietnamese, Chinese, Muslim Cham and some...
  3. Eight Stories: Riverkids and child trafficking in Cambodia

    Free shipping in Singapore and a flat fee of US$10 applies for shipping abroad Combining the heartbreaking true stories of life in the slums of Cambodia with beautiful portraits of families and children, Eight Stories is a book you’ll read cover to cover and share. These eight stories of children...

 

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Riverkids Project Limited & Riverkids Foundation work in Cambodia and Singapore to help children and families at risk for trafficking and abuse.

Add:   Blk 125 Bukit Merah Lane 1, #04-166 Singapore 150125         Tel:   6270 2180

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